I am excited today to have Doris on the blog with a spot of advice, to show you just what all the fuss is about and just who Doris is. Don't be afraid, she doesn't bite and it has been proven beyond scientific fact she has no teeth, but her wit is sharp and she does tend to rip into you if you stray away from being true to yourself.
With Valentine's Day behind us and the lonely hearts club back to drinking wine from a box or perhaps, hitting the clubs again, there are still a lot of gals trying to figure out a way to keep their dignity intact and still find a man who excites them and will make them happy throughout their lives...or at least have a serious and stable relationship with! Maybe even those whose glitterific relationship has lost some of it's shine needs a bit of a boost!
Are you game? We also will be having a live interview with the Cabin Goddess, Kriss (she is also one of the head Fairies here), and a central Facebook event page where you can post questions for Doris throughout the tour, get updates and links during the tour and ask more info on the novella! Everyone in the know has been itching to see this book get everywhere and in have people join them in reading it and laughing just as hard as they did! You won't even need cream afterwards.. perhaps a glass of wine and a new boyfriend, but not any cream!
I am feeling extremely depressed. I'm not getting any younger, and I feel like I'm the size of an elephant. I just don't feel that same spark when I get visitors anymore. I'm thinking a new hair style might make me feel better, but how do I let her know how I'm feeling?
Gray and Wrinkly
Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that. A new hair style sounds like a good idea, but don't go the Brazilian because it bloody-well hurts! Now, how to let your owner know.
Well, I let Jemma know by squeezing my lips together, numerous times, although you have to be careful when attempting this as it could get your owner rather excited. Hmm, that's what you want, isn't it. Maybe she's bringing the wrong sorts of penises around to see you as well. I think you just have to deter the ones you don't like (tell them you have a fungus or something as penises don't handle that kind of thing very well). You may not get a new hairstyle but you will only get the right kind of penises visiting, which will definitely cheer you up I think.
Way before this book was published, Eloise March whom I am very pleased to call a friend started posting little snippets of what was to come via Facebook and Twitter. When I first read these snippets I thought, OMG this going to be one wild book.
Let me tell you right now, I wasn't wrong. A book about a talking vagina can only be described as absolutely riotous.
I enjoyed the story of Jemma and Doris from the very first page. We are led on a merry dance as Jemma with Doris in tow meets 'The One' but will it actually work out when Jemma find's out a huge secret, that will affect her, her best friend and her cousins life for ever.
I loved the concept that our humble vagina might actually have a mind of it's own. In doing so, I think back to all the men I have met, stood next to and drooled over and think what discussions might have occurred between my vagina and ..... Not sure if I'm happy, or worried now!
If you are looking for a short read that doesn't require you to follow a deep subplot, then I can guarantee that Close Call a Doris and Jemma Vadgeventure will leave you crying with laughter at the antics of Doris and her pals.
I give this book 5 dragonflies.
Viva la Vadgeventures!
Close Call: A Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure
Close Call is the first instalment of "A Doris & Jemma Vageventure" series.
Think Bridget Jones Diary and The Vagina Monologues.
Twenty-two-year-old Jemma can’t seem to get her life in order. Her track record with men stinks, she constantly worries about getting fat and ending up a spinster at thirty. And to top it off, she has to be a bridesmaid at her most-hated cousin’s wedding. She feels like her life is over, until Doris decides to help out. Who’s Doris? Doris is Jemma’s vagina and she thinks more of Jemma than her own brain does. Doris is on a mission to save Jemma from herself, but is the task too much for one vagina to handle?
TAGS: Fiction, Chick Lit, Humor, Women's Lit, Romance
© 2013 Dionne Lister Cover by Sol Pandiella-McLeod
Now available on
Excerpt from Close Call
Jemma left the bathroom and walked out into the main bar. Flicking her dark hair over her shoulder with one hand, she approached her friend, Erin. “Any action?” she asked.
Erin, giant silver-loop earrings peeking through her wavy auburn locks and weighing her lobes down, sipped her chocolate cocktail through a straw.
“Hmm, there’s a couple of hotties over there. The blonde one’s been checking me out. What do you think?”
Jemma spotted the two twenty-somethings. “Nice. His friend is built, and you know I prefer brunettes.” The girls giggled.
Doris braced herself when they started walking. She was sick of Jemma picking up guys in bars; well, she hadn’t picked up a lot, but the five in the last six months were all losers — the kinds of guys who had their fun then never called again. What made Jemma think these guys would be any different? And Doris wasn’t fooled into thinking Jemma didn’t care; she had to listen to her swearing and crying to her friends when the guys never called back. The things vaginas had to put up with, and there was no escape!
So many times, Doris had information, after talking to the penises of these one-night stands, that Jemma could have used to make more informed decisions. Penises, Doris found, were way more honest than their owners . . . well, mostly.
“So, lovely ladies, can we buy you a drink?”
Doris cringed and heard giggling again, and then Erin spoke, “Yes, but only if you tell us your names.”
“I’m Paul, and this is Aaron.”
Jemma and Erin said, in unison, “Hi,” then turned to each other, said, “Jinx!” and laughed.
Jemma nodded once and mouthed to Erin, “Matching polo shirts.”
Erin grinned in approval.
Aaron spoke to Jemma, “What would you like to drink?”
“I’ll have a gin and tonic, thanks.”
Aaron winked at her, pulling out his wallet. Jemma noticed the fifty-dollar bills peeking over the edge.
“Coming right up, beautiful.”
Jemma melted inside, sending a rush of heat to Doris, who sighed. Here we go, she thought.
Erin’s vagina, Prudence, whispered, “Psst, Doris.”
“What is it?” asked Doris.
“I think we’ll be leaving with this one — I’m getting wet. They must look attractive, because I haven’t heard anything special come out of their mouths.”
“I know you can’t see me, but I’m rolling my eyes. When will these girls ever learn?”
“I don’t know,” said Prudence. “Men think with their penises, but women can’t hear us.” She sighed. “Oh, dear, Erin is swaying. I think she’s had too much to drink. I’ll say bye now ‘cause we’ll be out of here soon. Good luck.”
“Thanks, Prue. Might see you tomorrow after the girls get dumped.”
“Yeah, more than likely. Okay, bye.”
Meet Eloise March aka Dionne Lister
Eloise March is a woman who laughs at her own jokes, swears way too much and breaks any new diet by lunchtime on the day she starts. She believes in women’s equality, and all equality for that matter, and hopes the things she writes touch people in a positive way, and make them think about how they can create a better society for themselves and others.
In her spare time, she enjoys living as her alter ego, Dionne Lister — a suspense and YA fantasy author who is way too embarrassed to talk about vaginas. She likes spending time as Dionne because Dionne has an awesome family, wonderful friends and a cat called Lily, oh, and she has great hair.
If you’re looking for Eloise, or any information about future books in the Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure series, you can visit Dionne’s website, where Eloise has been lucky enough to get her own page
If you’re looking for a chat, you can find Ms. March on Twitter.
Follow the TourMonday - 3/3/2014:
Tuesday - 3/4/2014
- Literary Chanteuse - Ask Doris - Dating Advice
- Photography, Poetry and Indie Authors - Ask Doris & Review
Thursday - 3/6/2014
Friday - 3/7/2014
Saturday - 3/8/2014
Monday - 3/10/2014
- J E Haldeman - Ask Doris - Dating Advice
Wednesday - 3/12/2014
- Our New Generation for Reading - 3/12/2014
Final Day of the Tour - Saturday March 14th
Interview with The Cabin Goddess